The Blessings in Not Getting What You Want (7/13/2023)

I remember the day well, very well. It was January 6, 1969. My husband, Kenneth, asked me to meet him at the Iowa State Union. We’d just gotten back from Christmas Break, and I was anxious to see him and hear about his vacation. When I got there, he seemed nervous which surprised me because I’m not the least bit intimidating, or so I thought. Then he asked me, “What are you doing with the rest of your life?” As I looked into his eyes, trying to figure out why he’d ask me that and how I should respond, he added, “Would you be willing to spend it as my wife?” And he took out a ring. And as you must suspect, I said, “Yes.”

That day I shared with him that the one thing I longed for was roots. I’d been moved about my whole life, always an outsider. I told him I hoped to be able to settle down. He laughed as he shared that he’d never left the state of Iowa and reasoned that being his wife would bring geographical stability. We did get married. And between school, the military, and his employment demands, we settled into our 16th home on our 9th wedding anniversary. That was not what I had wanted, but that was what we had to do.

And our moves weren’t over yet. We moved three more times over the next several years. And every time I started packing up, I thought of that proposal promise. But I also had to admit that not getting what I had asked for had a lot to do with who I am today. And so, I have to admit that sometimes there are great blessings to be discovered in not getting what I want.

I have to admit that when we moved out of our home in Beloit in 1976, I cried the whole time I was mopping my way out of the back door. I went and sat on the front porch. Kenneth asked me if I wanted to got through the house one more time and check it. I said, “No.” The sadness of that moment really gripped me. But then when we got to Austin, our neighbors were fantastic, our home fit our family perfectly, I felt blessed in my faith community. It was a turning point because I was beginning to be able to set down what I wanted to make room for what was.

Not getting what we want sometimes opens the door to something wonderful. As I look back, I realize all the wonders I found in the many homes and communities. I also see how each brought me new avenues of personal development, new opportunities to find my way. As I look back today, I realize that if we had stayed in Austin, Minnesota, say, I never would have been a youth minister or a diocesan director of pastoral services or a seminary professor.

Taking inventory of our lives allows us to recognize the blessings along the way which in turn can allow us to set down our disappointment or hurt in not getting what we initially wanted. Holding onto that disappointment can hamper our ability to receive the blessings and graces of the present moment.

As we continue our journeys in faith, buoyed by the hope of Christ’s promise, and fueled by the love of the LORD which generates our ability to love, let us take a look at our lives and honestly look for the multitude of ways we have been blessed and graced during difficult times and disappointing times. Let us seek to see the hand of the LORD in our lives. Let us appreciate the goodness that has come in spite of not getting what we asked for.

Until tomorrow, let us all love well.