The Race with Chemo Brain (11/14/2026)

It happens frequently. I am trying to tell another about something I know, and then I can’t pull a name out of my file. I know it is there. But it won’t come. It’s a relatively recent dilemma for me. It started when I was going through chemo. Eventually, I will be able to remember. But for a few seconds or minutes, I just can’t free the answer from my brain file. And while I hate it when it happens, this inability to remember one thought brings gratitude for still being in the race. Chemo gave me chemo brain, but it also meant I could remain in the race.

It happened this past week. It is frustrating when it is just me driving alone in my car. I tell myself to relax and it will come. And it does. But it is more challenging when it happens in public like it did this past Thursday evening during a women’s meeting when I was asked to talk a little about a topic I know well, the relics of four saints that are housed in our parish. I described three of the four objects I was asked to speak on, each from a well-known saint, but the fourth name was in one of those “brain folds” of chemo brain that just wouldn’t let it go. And I was embarrassed.

I eventually resorted to my phone, put in the name of one individual and the name of the final famous individual came up in the Wikipedia article. So, I was able to give it, even if it was late and with great labor. And first I thanked the LORD silently for my refresher course in humility; then I thanked the LORD for still being in the race.

The other day, I was speaking with someone who made me chuckle when she told me I wouldn’t understand her struggle because “you don’t struggle like me.” True, our struggles are all real and all individually unique. But I got the impression that she meant I was without struggles. I hope my laugh didn’t offend her, but I couldn’t help it. We all have struggles. It is part of the race St. Paul speaks of in his 2^nd letter to Timothy when he writes, “I have competed well, I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.”  We are all in the race. We will all experience struggles along the way. The important point is to keep the faith and keep going.

During my younger years, I referred to my life as “the Way.” Then, I realized it is more like a journey with discoveries around every bend. But the older I have gotten, the more St. Paul’s “race” resonates. A race is challenging. There is suffering in a race as one puts forth one’s best effort. The race will end eventually. While a racer’s eyes remain on the finish line, getting there with faith is essential but not easy. And so, I am a racer – grateful for still being in the race.

How about you? Are you racing as St. Paul, trying to do so consistently in faith? Keep on keeping on. It isn’t easy. It isn’t without suffering. But you know where you’re going and the finish line celebration is worth the effort.

Until tomorrow, let us all love well.