The Unknown Why (01/17/2025)

Yesterday, my husband and I feasted on leftovers from our date the day before. I warmed mine in the leftover container from the restaurant. My husband used one of our plates to assemble his meal of leftovers supplemented by local sides. As I went to clear our dining space, I noticed that he had used one of the “spare plates” again rather than one from our set. This time I asked why.

We have a set of white Lenox plates that we use as our primary dishes. But whenever my husband nukes leftovers, he grabs a plate from the shelf above, one of three odd plates that are Lenox but don’t match the primary dishes. I’ve watched him do this ever since I acquired the set of white plates. I have never understood why. There’s nothing wrong with his using the odd plates; my “why” was because I never understood his consistent choice of the odd plates.

He hesitated for a few moments when I asked him why he always chose the odd plates when he was preparing something for himself. Then he explained. “I know how much you love your Lenox plates. I know that microwaving can graze or cause crackling in plates. I didn’t want to ruin one of your favorite plates.” I was amazed. He was doing this intentionally for me though I’d never asked him to do it.

Immediately, my mind was flooded with a myriad of other questions about things my husband has done that I questioned why. Were all of them choices for me or for another? I had to take a porch break and ponder that for a while.

Clearly, I didn’t understand the extra steps my husband was making frequently for me. I didn’t understand his choice. I must even admit that at times I questioned “Why do you do that?” with a hint of irritation. I felt humbled. I felt loved. I felt like I had wasted time judging when I should have simply asked “why?” earlier.

I can make snap judgments. I can read the scene and the players wrongly. I can make mistakes that cast others in an unearned light. My overdue “why?” reminded me of the miles to go I still have on my journey. It also reminded me to trust the other’s motive, rule number one in camaraderie and collaboration.

Christ commanded us to love one another as He has loved us. For years my husband’s “odd” choice had been a loving choice that I didn’t understand. Is it possible the same thing is happening in your life? Are there choices made by others for love of you that you’ve misunderstood or missed completely?

As we continue our jouneys of faith, hope and love, let us seek to clearly discern the goodness around us that may not look like what we expect but is none the less loving goodness.

Until tomorrow, let us all love well.