Not the Juggler I Used to Be (06/12/2024)

This past month I have learned so many lessons. I am affirmed by the fact that there are still things to learn at my age. I am humbled by the nature of my discoveries. Most of them have to do with the effects of age. This past month I realized that I am not the juggler I used to be at 25, or 45, or even 65. I’m still pretty good at putting things in motion, but my skills at managing multiple moving parts at once aren’t what it used to be. Good thing I can still remember where I store my humility because I need it with increasing frequency.

Last week when I had a house full of visitors for multiple days in a row, I found that my cooking skills were maxed. I used to be able to handle several dishes on the stove top at once. At the end of the day, I had a little talk with myself on the porch and accepted the fact that more isn’t always better, especially when the “more” involves multiple pots at varying temperatures with me at the helm. I’m thinking our next big family gathering might involve several bags of chips and dip.

I recall my early psychology class and learning the definition of intelligence: intelligence is the ability to read one’s environment and adapt. Age requires adapting, I’m learning. It’s not so much the environment, though, that has changed; it is more my ability to handle the environment. It started with simple things like learning to choose slip-on shoes over laced tennies and recliners over sofas. It has expanded to include bagging instructions at the checkout, reminding the bagger that I have a weight limit. And now it includes admitting that the fewer balls in the air simultaneously the better for me as well as nearby observers and innocent bystanders.

I remember well my feelings of accomplishment when I was able to “take on more.” I must admit this new development feels like a reversal. Believe me when I tell you that I have brought this to the LORD multiple times recently. The first time, I recalled Ecclesiastes 3 – there is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heaven. Since then, my conversations with the LORD have led me to remember that the LORD loved me before I accomplished a single thing, so my “doing” isn’t as important in the scheme of things as my “being.” I realized it’s time to quit thinking about what I do and focus more on who I am.

This morning as the sun rose and I sat with my cup of coffee and the LORD, I must admit life felt pretty good. I knew the LORD was with me. I prayed to the LORD for the gift of the Spirit so that I remained with the LORD regardless of my geographical location. I remembered anew the LORD’s love for me all these years. And my greatest desire didn’t involve any “to do” list but rather focused on being the loving daughter of the Almighty Father, the enrapt disciple of Jesus Christ, and the instrument of the Spirit. I ended by asking the LORD for the gift I’ve come to realize this is all about. “LORD, help me to love well and to love long, now, then and always.”

Until tomorrow, let us all love well.