Unglued (07/09/2025)

Have you heard the expression “came unglued”? Well Monday of this week, I lived it, and it wasn’t pretty. It never is when we shed that which holds us together.

I must admit, in hindsight, I was a bit tired from the weekend of activity. But still, the events of the day shouldn’t have impacted me as greatly as they did. There were several things that eroded my usual calm and pushed my traditional response of “it’s okay” into a mental trash bin.

I went to the cancer center to have my port flushed which usually takes only 15 minutes. I arrived a bit early, checked in, got my wristband, and sat down waiting for my call to go back. There were no magazines; that tradition went out with COVID. The television volume was too low to hear, so that was no entertainment. I found myself focusing on the individuals who were coming in and being called back. I empathized with them. I knew the drill. I hurt for them. I hurt with them. And I waited.

After an hour of waiting, I finally went back up to the front desk. It seems that the nurse had sent a message to send me back, but the receptionist hadn’t realized it because she wasn’t at her desk at the time; she was helping a new patient register. So, I went back and had my port flushed so that it isn’t blocked in the event we need it again.

When I got home, I decided that I was just too frazzled to cook for the bible study group that was coming at 6. Instead of doing a dish from scratch, I cheated and thawed some frozen mac and cheese, added tuna, green beans, and mushrooms for a tuna casserole. It sounded viable as I added all the ingredients. My husband told me it was actually quite good. Problem was, the mac and cheese was too “soupy.” So, I realized I was going to have to serve the casserole in a bowl. It was what it was.

Then I went to my desk to make up sheets for bible study. I created the master and ran 8 copies. Then I adjusted the font size for one of our members who needs it a bit larger. And I hit print. And the second the first copy was done but sheets kept rolling out, I realized that I had not adjusted the number of copies on the print order from my previous order. Because of the font size, the print order this time would have resulted in 64 printed sheets. I didn’t want that! I tried everything I knew. I tried to cancel the order in the print queue. I tried to cancel the order on the printer screen. I tried shutting down the printer and then turning it back on 5 minutes later. I tried unplugging the printer and then plugging it back in. Nothing worked. The printer just kept spewing out sheets I didn’t need until it lit up to tell me it was out of ink!

In the meantime, the members of the bible study group were arriving. I tried to explain my dilemma. There were suggestions, but most of them were for approaches I’d already tried. One would think I’d come to end of my rope, but I was so asea, I couldn’t even find the rope.

And there I was, unglued, in front of my precious friends and bible study sisters. Amazingly, they just kept trying to help me, and I must admit, their genuine care did settle me in a bit. We turned the printer off and headed to the kitchen for that soupy casserole thankfully supplemented by a delicious salad and a scrumptious peach crunch dessert brought by others. We prayed, we ate, we chatted, we laughed. After dinner, we did the dishes and then headed to the family room for bible study.

Bible study went well. We are a bit out of practice, so we went a little slowly. Perhaps some of it had to do with my still not being myself and very much aware of it. But the Spirit was with us, I do believe.

After everyone left, I went outside and sat on my porch. I brought my frustrations to the LORD, or to be more honest, I spewed them out knowing the LORD could hear and would understand. And then I just sat. And slowly but surely, the LORD reminded me of what was essential – His love for me – which had been there all along. And I realized I was too focused on me to see Him. The LORD was in all those moments, but I did not realize it. I was too focused on me.

And I sat and prayed. I prayed for all those at the cancer center who had touched and even wrenched my heart and mind. I prayed for myself and my fear of the cancer returning. I prayed for those in my bible study group who were with me, forgiving me, and supporting me. And I prayed for forgiveness of forgetting in my broken moments the glue that holds me together – the LORD’s love. It hadn’t given out; I’d pushed it aside.

The LORD is with us through thick and thin. Yesterday, He touched me through the caring nurses in the chemo lab, through the kind receptionist, through the members of my bible study group, through my husband. Sometimes, though, I know that I can brush that all aside, breaking down the natural support that exists through my own self-centeredness. And I could hear in my heart’s ear – “It’s not all about you, Kate.”

And so, after prayerful reflection on a day when I became unglued, I’m back ready to give it another try. I began with prayer and a little extra request for the LORD’s “glue” that holds my life together. I’m hoping. I’m trusting. That’s one of the LORD’s greatest gifts – mercy and new chances.

Until tomorrow, let us all love well.